3 unusual Communication hacks to avoid getting manipulated
Tricks of the trade from a Certified Soft-skills trainer
I was recently in an interview with the CEO of a 6-figure company based in Manhattan, New York.
We had a good hour and a half worth of conversation and he goes
“Ipsita you seem like a really good listener and you are straightforward. I need you to coach people in the sales department. Is there something else I need to know about you?”
I go ahead and tell him that I am also a certified soft-skills coach (he didn’t know) and a portion of my training is to read non-verbal cues in people.
He goes, “Really? So, If you read me correctly, you sign the contract tomorrow.”
I say “I will but only if I can be 100% honest with you.”
So for the next 20 minutes, based on all my observations from the past 90 minutes of him rambling (respectfully, he was an aggressive and nice man) I tell him everything I thought he was like and everything I thought he was hiding.
Thankfully, he took what I said as a good sport and actually opened up about his past. Softening his aggressive CEO defenses for me. (Life coaching kicking in)
He offered me future sponsorship then and there because I was 100% right about my readings and he appreciated the non-offensive delivery of sensitive information.
Although I ended up not taking the job because it involved a lot of on-field work, I am telling you this story to show you how powerful understanding body language is and how unique a skillset it can prove to be in all areas of life.
Why?
Because life is all about navigating what is not evident.
Mastering the art of looking beyond words and decoding what someone is not telling you is the first step to protecting yourself from manipulation.
Here are 3 ways how: -
The body speaks louder than words: The single biggest mistake you will make in communication is believing that what people say is what they truly feel.
Look beyond words, pay attention to their facial expressions, eye gaze, gestures, posture, and body movements. 5 out of 11 types of body language.
Often, the things we don't say can convey volumes of information.
I want to give you a list of the most common non-verbal cues to read on people when you suspect manipulation.
To keep this letter short, Check point numbers 1 to 5 here in an article by Dr. Don Weber a communication coach, on the 5 body language signs of a manipulator.
No Pedestals: See people for who they are.
Not what you ‘think they are’ not what you ‘want them to be.’
Under all circumstances, see people eye to eye.
It doesn't matter if the person you are talking to is older than you, more experienced than you, more successful, etc.
When we put people up on pedestals, our judgment is affected by ‘who we think we are dealing with.’
All of us have Bullshit Meters and when your pedestal mindset/child ego state shows through it opens you up for manipulation.
The world is a wonderful place, people are by large good people.
But that does not excuse the shadows present in us.
That doesn’t dismiss the demons we deal with, within ourselves and others.
When you cultivate the habit of seeing people at an eye level, as equals, you are now playing in a world of other adults, other humans, just like you.
Humans with weaknesses, strengths, and vulnerabilities.
This brings you the understanding and acceptance that they know something you don't and you know something they don’t.
Collaboration is a much nicer lens to look at the world with.
Thinking that the world is BAD: Having the awareness and tools to deal with manipulation is one thing and constantly living with the mindset that the world is out to get you is another.
It is just another form of the victim mindset.
The victim mindset is the lens of fear and resentment.
The opposite of peace and lightness of life.
What is the Solution?
Integration.
Integrate your cynicism of the world with your awareness of the good present in it.
The world and people are too subjective to be made a final judgment or opinion about in stone.
That understanding will happen when you accept that you are the same as everyone else.
When you see someone do something you consider ‘bad…’
Ask yourself,
“Under what circumstances would I have done the exact same thing?
What exactly will it take for me to do the bad thing that they did?”
Meditate on the answer with honesty, and you will understand how you are not morally higher than others.
Thus, you begin to accept the darkness and lightness of the world as ONE.
Division creates pain, and Integration creates ease.
Gain this knowledge not to be cynical, but to be COMPLETE.
See you next week,
-Ipsita